When we talk about things, there are two words that we often use in a similar way – wanted and needed.
But have you ever stopped to think about their actual meanings? The meaning of wanted vs needed? Are they really the same thing?
Well, not exactly.
Do I really need the 22nd pair of shoes? Nah. Do I want the 22nd pair of shoes? Oh heck yeah! The difference here is quite clear – one is a necessity while the other is more of a desire.
Consider this scenario: It’s a chilly winter evening and you find yourself shivering despite being indoors. You definitely need a warm sweater or a heating system to raise your body temperature and prevent hypothermia. This is a basic need – it’s not about wanting to be a tad more comfortable or wanting to be in vogue with the latest sweater fashion, it’s about preserving your health and well-being.
Or picture this: you’re browsing through a bookstore and your eyes land on the latest novel by your favorite author. Your heart does a little flip of excitement and you rush to pick it up, marveling at the enticing cover and the crisp, untouched pages.
Do you really need this book? Not really. After all, there are libraries, e-books, and maybe even a friend who’d lend you their copy. But right there, at that moment, the joy you feel at the thought of owning this book and adding it to your personal collection is undeniable – it’s something you want.
To go a step further, have you ever considered the contrast between your personal desires and what you truly need when it comes to personal connections? Or to put it simply, would you prefer to be wanted or needed as a friend or partner?
Sure, we all find it nice to be needed because it creates a sense of purpose, importance, and validation in our lives.
But you know what? Being wanted is a whole different level of freedom and fulfillment. It’s about being chosen because of who you are, not what you can offer or provide.
What It Means To Be Needed in Relationships
Being needed in relationships often implies a functional role, almost as if you’re fulfilling a job description. It could mean that you’re called upon to provide emotional support, financial stability, or perhaps to complete certain tasks that the other person can’t or won’t do.
It’s more about dependency, where one person relies on the other to meet their needs or solve their problems.
While this might sound comforting and give a sense of importance, it can also lead to an imbalance and strain in relationships. It can result in feelings of being taken for granted or being valued more for what you do, rather than who you are as an individual.
Examples Of Being Needed in Relationships
Emotional Support
Consider a scenario where one friend consistently leans on the other for emotional support. This might be in the form of constant reassurance, constant attention, or processing their emotions.
While it’s important to support your friends and family emotionally, a relationship where one part is always the supporter and the other is always supported can become strained. The one providing the support might feel more like a therapist than a cherished friend.
When you encounter this type of relationship with someone in your life, it becomes crucial to establish emotional boundaries. These boundaries serve as a shield, safeguarding you against companions who drain your energy.
Financial Dependence
Another instance of being needed might be in terms of financial dependency. If one partner in a relationship is the sole earner or provider, the other partner might rely on them for their basic needs and lifestyle choices.
This could place an undue burden on the earning partner, causing stress and potentially leading to resentment. It also risks creating a power imbalance in the relationship, where the financially dependent partner may feel less confident in expressing their needs and wants.
In this scenario as well, it’s vital to establish boundaries. This can be accomplished by setting up clear expectations around spending, saving, and shared expenses. Both partners should feel comfortable discussing their financial situation and making decisions together.
What It Means To Be Wanted in Relationships
On the other hand, feeling wanted in a relationship can bring joy and fulfillment. It’s natural to want to be desired by our loved ones, whether it’s in terms of physical attractiveness or emotional connection.
But what does it truly mean to be wanted vs needed? And how is it different?
Being wanted means that someone genuinely desires your company, your presence, and your energy. They actively seek out your companionship and prioritize spending quality time with you.
It’s a feeling that goes beyond just fulfilling our basic needs, like the need for physical affection, which we all have in one way or another.
Being wanted is about making someone feel special, valued, and cherished.
When you are wanted, your partner is drawn to you for who you are as a person — your quirks, your intellect, your sense of humor. It’s not about what you can provide for them materially, but rather the intangible qualities that make you uniquely you.
Being wanted is about mutual respect, admiration, and genuine affection, where both partners invest in each other’s happiness.
In essence, the difference between needing and wanting in relationships can be summed up as the difference between dependency and desire. Being wanted means being valued for who you are as a person, not just what you can provide.
Examples Of Being Wanted in Relationships
A Wanted Friendship
Imagine two friends, Alice and Bob. Bob is known for his sharp wit and kind heart. Alice enjoys spending time with Bob not because she needs him to help her with her work or drive her around town, but because she genuinely appreciates his company.
She looks forward to their coffee chats and movie nights, appreciating Bob’s unique perspectives on various topics and his compassionate nature. She is drawn to Bob’s character and personality, showing him that he is wanted as a friend.
A Wanted Friendship
Consider a couple, John and Lily. John makes Lily feel wanted by consistently showing an interest in her thoughts, feelings, and experiences. He isn’t with Lily just because he ‘needs’ a partner; he’s with her because he genuinely enjoys her company and values her as a person.
He appreciates her passions, supports her ambitions, and celebrates her individuality. Whether it’s planning a surprise date to the art exhibit she’s been eager to see or simply listening attentively when she talks about her day, John’s actions express his desire for Lily beyond any pragmatic needs.
Difference Between Needing And Wanting in Relationships
While being wanted in a relationship can bring a sense of joy and fulfillment, needing someone in a relationship can create an unhealthy dynamic.
Needing someone implies that you cannot function without them, which puts pressure on the other person to constantly fulfill your needs. This can lead to an imbalanced power dynamic and codependency.
In contrast, wanting someone means you enjoy their company and appreciate their presence, but you are also capable of functioning independently. You do not rely on them to fulfill all of your needs and can maintain a sense of self outside of the relationship.
In healthy relationships, there should be a balance of both wanting and needing each other. It’s important to feel wanted, but it’s also necessary to recognize and fulfill each other’s needs.
When both partners actively want each other and prioritize their relationship, it creates a strong foundation for growth and happiness. This mutual wanting can strengthen the bond between two people and help maintain a healthy dynamic.
Finding a Healthy Balance
It’s important to understand the difference between needed vs wanted in relationships. While it’s natural to want our partners, we should also be able to recognize when we are relying solely on them to fulfill our needs.
Communication is key in finding a healthy balance between wanting and needing. It’s important to openly discuss your feelings with your partner and express what you both want and need from each other.
Remember, it’s okay to need someone, but it’s essential to also take care of yourself and not rely on them for everything. So, make sure to take a moment to think about what you really need and want. Understanding yourself will boost your confidence and self-esteem, which will also lead to healthier and more independent relationships.
This will help create a healthy dynamic where both partners feel wanted and their needs are being met.
Final Words to Being Wanted vs Needed
In summary, the difference between wanting and needing in relationships is crucial to understand. While wanting someone can strengthen a relationship, needing someone can create unhealthy dynamics.
Maintaining an open line of communication is vital for a healthy relationship, and this includes being honest about any imbalances you may notice.
If you find yourself feeling excessively needy, or conversely, if you feel like you’re not being wanted as you should be, it’s important to bring up these feelings with your partner. Have a heart-to-heart conversation where you express your feelings and concerns.
When we actively want our partners and prioritize our own happiness, it can lead to a fulfilling and healthy relationship. So, take some time to reflect on your own wants and needs in relationships and strive for a balance that works best for both of you.
Ultimately, it’s about finding happiness within ourselves first, before seeking it from someone else. Keep this in mind as you navigate through your relationships.
You are worthy of both authentic love and independence in all kinds of relationships.
